Have you ever seen videos of toddlers throwing gut-wrenching tantrums over silly lollipops in the middle of crowded grocery aisles? And have you seen the agitated parent of that toddler explaining to the best of their ability in the midst of the tantrum as to why lollipops are bad for them, hoping for an understanding nod from their kid? And have you ever witnessed that miraculous nod? Probably not! All parenting books will tell you one thing and one thing only- ‘a force is best confronted with a force of the same nature’, similarly, logic cannot battle emotion, only emotion can do that! If that same toddler were held in a warm embrace, made to feel seen and heard till their nerves had calmed down, the child may have opened themselves up to the the stories about the ills of sugar.
I've always had a hard time grounding myself, especially when my heart starts to pound out of my chest and when I am faced with extreme surges of emotion, mostly negative ones! And as important as letting yourself feel and soak in your emotions are, there's an incredibly thin line between honouring them and letting them take over you. I had never been able to stay on the other side from tipping over till I realised that these emotions are stemming from a younger version of me. And perhaps all that my inner child was asking for in those moments of turmoil was to be only what it is- a child! A child with simple yet powerful needs of being seen, heard, understood, soothed and safely held!
And that's exactly what I do now. Whenever faced with waves that I have not yet learnt to surf, I visualise letting my adult self hold my inner child in the tightest hug and rubbing her back gently! Then I whisper words of reassurances into her ear. And I must tell you, my inner child took her sweet time in knowing, trusting and listening to me! I'm yet to come across a situation where this hasn't helped me regulate those intense emotions or shall I say the younger me! I guess it's because as they say, ‘a little love always does the trick!’
-Ayushi Dutta
Edited by Snehal Saraf
Category: Pressed Flowers
'Pressed Flowers' are extracts from client's diaries/journals, penned during their therapeutic journey! Shared with permission.